Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Eating tofu is SO gay

According to Megashift Ministries chairman and founder/chairman of Open Church Ministries James Rutz, penises are shrinking and men are becoming gay, gay, gay as I write this because they are consuming soy products. According to Rutz, the estrogen in soy milk, tofu, and much of our refined food is creating a nation of "feminized" men. Note that, to Rutz, smaller penis means "feminine," and, of course, gay means "feminine."

Rutz subscribes to the theory that a large amount of soy can cause breast cancer, and I'm guessing he believes that industrial estrogens can also cause both breast and ovarian cancer. These theories have not been proven, but many scientists continue to be highly suspicious of industrial estrogens, and with good reason.

But there's more to consider...using Rutz's own reasoning, it follows that lesbians who consume soy products would become heterosexual, since they, too, would be more "feminized" (which, to Rutz, obviously means "straight"). And God only knows what it does to heterosexual women. Do they start looking and acting like drag versions of Marilyn Monroe?

And finally, if drinking soy milk can make men gay, what becomes of the "lifestyle choice" theory that is so beloved by conservatives, and especially conservative clergy? Is it possible to become gay from eating tofu burgers but not from being born that way?

9 Comments:

This is a perfect example of overlooking the obvious. Dairy products are full of hormones, yet no one seems to worry about ice cream making people gay.

By Anonymous kathyF, at 1:09 PM  

Yes! I should have thought of that. (It gives a whole new meaning to Tutti Frutti, doesn't it?)

By Blogger Diane, at 1:20 PM  

Anyone want to hazzard a guess as to when Mr. Rutz is 'caught in a compromising position with a member of the same sex' and is forced to resign his post and tearfully enter 'treatment'?

By Anonymous bryan, at 5:38 PM  

I was wondering that, too, Bryan.

By Blogger Diane, at 7:14 PM  

Was his name Rutz or Butts? I'm not sure I caught it.

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