A tall tale

I believe that it is a sin to be tall because my life manual tells me it is. But I'm not like those rigid people down the road who think you chose to be tall out of some perverse whim, that other tall people seduced you into stretching until you became that way, or that there are people whom you can pay to make you short. No, I love the sinner, and I accept you as tall-- as long as you do not act on your tallness.

That means no rising above others in crowds, no taking things effortlessly off of high shelves, no buying the "tall" size pants from L.L. Bean, and by all means--no basketball. Even though you are tall, by not acting tall, you save yourself from the consequences of sin. I actually know some tall people (though not very well--after all, we don't have much in common), and they are polite, mow their lawns, and mind their own business. But too many tall people flaunt their height, even in front of my family, and it pains me to know that they are all going to hell.

I guess I believe you when you say you cannot be short. I suppose that is your bad fortune, but it gives you no right to be proud of your tallness. Even though you are tall, you can still contribute to society, and we will all pray for you, but when you pass me on the street, I ask that you stoop to my level.