Right-wing Silver Ring Thing feels sting

Good news: The government has finally suspended funding of the Silver Ring Thing, a nationwide Christian organization that uses abstinence-only programs to minister to students. Not only does the Silver Ring Thing violate church/state separation, it also presents dangerous information to adolescents, encouraging them not to use any type of contraception or disease prevention techniques.

Studies have shown that adolescents who abstain from sexual intercourse have as many--and in some cases, more--STD's than other teenagers. Apparently, silver ringers are extremely technical about their virginity and engage in a lot of oral and anal sex. Bill Maher once remarked, when talking about his own adolescence, "If I'd known I was going to get porn star sex, I'd have been so down with Jesus."

Since the Silver Ring Thing is in the process of taking its, uh, dog and pony show to other parts of the world, its leaders can look forward to seeing even more disease and suffering than ever.