Groomed for success

Late last night, I was thinking about this, and I notice that Amanda at Pandagon has been thinking about it, too. Amanda's suggestions are right in line with what a reality show should be (and, oh, how I would love to see them on CMT!), but I've been thinking that maybe they should scrap the whole pageant idea and use the same principles that are used to conduct dog shows.

In a dog show, each member of a breed competes with other members of that breed, and the judge selects the dog that best meets the standard of that breed. Twenty German shepherds may be entered, but one of them, in the judge's opinion, best meets the physical and temperament standards for the breed of German shepherd. The winners compete in the Best of Show competition against all the dogs that were considered the best examples of their breeds. Again, the dogs are judged not against each other, but as to how they meet the standards of their respective breeds (though there is, of course, an x factor).

Think about all the possible categories:

Perky Girl Next Door (the Katie Holmes breed)
Big-breasted blonde (Pamela Anderson sets the breed standard)
Slim with long blonde hair (Anna Kournikova remains the standard)
Really smart and kind of cute (Drew Barrymore, except she has some, ahem, disqualifying characteristics)
Beautiful girls of color (Venus Williams comes to mind, but I guess it would have to be Halle Berry because they don't like them too, you know, dark)
Scary seductive girls (That would be Angelina)

The more breeds the better. Parade them around in a ring, give them treats, and allow them to stay at the hotel just like the real people. The winner gets to be on the Today Show, of course, and then she has to get bred to various studs of her breed type so that when she retires from the ring, she will have prize-winning descendents.

Goodbye, CMT...Hello, USA Network.