Maybe Ashcroft could lend them his draping material

White River Truck Repair and Yard Art, which conducts business in Edinburgh, Indiana, has been cited by Bartholomew County officials for obscenity. Their crime? They have concrete knock-offs of "Venus de Milo" and Michelangelo's "David" on display. These and other statues must be removed because they are considered obscene under Indiana law. Minors passing by might see them. Oh, my god. The poor minors. After everything has been going so morally well for them. Millions of people are dying in Africa because of the White House AIDS policy, thousands have died in Iraq, people want to kill judges in order to save a brain-dead woman's life, the burgers and chicken they had for lunch represent massive torture of millions of animals, the biggest thief in America, Kenneth Lay, is enjoying his freedom, and the Bush administration is conspiring to spread as many toxins in the air and water as possible.

How could anyone ruin all that morality with copies of revered art? It's hard to be a kid in Indiana.