How men put women down by being "polite"

A few days ago, I had to call a managed care company (something I have to do several days a week) to report that I was confused about a telephone message one of its employees had left on my voice mail. When I finally found someone who would listen to me without insisting I go through a litany of identification numbers that had nothing to do with the call, I explained that an employee had left me a message and I didn't understand it. She spoke so quietly, I explained, that I was unable to ascertain her name, and therefore could not return her call.

The man with whom I was speaking told me that "since the young lady didn't speak up, you have no information, and I can't help you."

I could accept the reasoning, but where did the "young lady" come from? I never suggested the employee was young. I merely said she was a woman. But he immediately turned her into someone young, and not even a "young woman." Here is the litmus test: If I had said that a man had spoken too quietly for me to understand his message, the person at the other end of the line would never ever have said that the "young gentleman" didn't speak up.

"Young lady" is "girl" lite. It reduces an adult woman to someone childlike, simply because of her gender. For a brief period in the 70's, if you said "girl" or "young lady," women reminded you that they were adults, but today, you can talk as 1950's as you want to and no one challenges you. Women, of all people, still talk about "this girl who works with me," and I always say "you have children working there?" And they say "of course not--you know what I mean." And when I ask if they call the male employees "boys," they say "of course not."