There is a terrible crisis in Rhea County, Tennessee. They have gay people living there! But these are no slackers, the Rhea County officials--they have decided to ban homosexuality. On Tuesday, Commissioner J.C. Fugate introduced the measure, which would make it a crime to be gay. The county commissioners passed the measure 8-0, to a roomful of applause.

But why stop there when you can do even better? Fugate then proposed a measure that would ban gay people from living in the county. "We need to keep them out of here," he said. Whether the ban also includes bisexual people is unknown. Maybe Fugate didn't think it through. Maybe he will have to look up the word in a dictionary with lots of pictures. And then, what about families and friends of gay people? Will they have to leave also, or will they just not be allowed to have their friends and relatives live with them or visit them?

The vote on the second measure doesn't take place until April. In the meantime, the commission has to finely tune its gaydar in order to find all of the doctors, judges, community leaders, church members, neighbors, sons and daughters who are gay, so they can be thrown into jail.