Marin Alsop, conductor of the Bournemouth Symphony Orchestra and a popular guest conductor in the U.S., was on Fresh Air this week. Terry Gross asked her to talk about the difficulty of being a woman in a profession heavily dominated by men.

Alsop replied that since physical gestures are interpreted so differently, depending on whether they are made by a man or a woman, it was hard for her to develop a persona as a strong conductor without appearing "aggressive." Appearing aggressive, of course, is considered sinful in women.

Then the conversation took a disturbing turn: Alsop advised young women conductors to be take care with their gestures, to find a way to convey emotion without having their gestures misinterpreted.

Oh, Marin, how could you? That's not much different than the old 1960's admonition, "Have a nice tennis game, dear, but make sure you let the boy win." Every time we teach girls and young women to be something that they are not in order to avoid sexism, we are locking them in a smaller and smaller prison. Sexism is a reality; we in the U.S. know that it is not going to go away, and it is our job to teach girls and young women to be themselves and confront bigotry, not find ways to adapt to it.