Happy Valentine's Day from the White House!

The president loves you, his country, and God so much that he has some gifts for you:

More leisure time--because you may not have a job
Even more time off--because of the illness you get from the polluted air and water
Exciting weather events--from ignoring global warming
Population control--if we bomb Iraqui citizens and poison their water like we did last time
World-wide excitement--if we de-stabilize the Middle East through war
Thrills and chills right where you live--if we attack Iraq, provoking terrorist groups to come after us
Relief from having to deal with women, minorities, gays, and the disabled--their hard-won rights will not exist
Comfort and security--knowing your government is right there with you, spying on you and keeping records
Religious training--mandatory, because the separation between church and state will further collapse

So much love from the president...but if it's all the same, I'd rather have some chocolates or a single red rose.