CRACKING THE CODE: A GLOSSARY FOR OUR TIME

ACLU—Communist, interfering traitors who want to destroy the American way of life by insisting on enforcement of the Constitution

Alec Baldwin—a curse word, meaning "Hollywood liberal"

Ambitious—pejorative only when used about a woman, as in "Hillary is ambitious and wants to be President."

American Way of Life—(when spoken by the wealthy)—Control of the
economy by the ultra-rich

American (or "Amurikan") Way of Life—(when spoken by those who are unwittingly led by the ultra-rich)—Straight white boys rule

Barbra Streisand—curse word, stronger than "Alec Baldwin" because she is a woman and Jewish

Card-carrying member of the ACLU—clever play on words to make people think "communist"

The Clintons—curse word, fairly strong, denotes womanizing, black-loving, Hollywood-associated flawed semi-liberal President and his ambitious wife

Clinton White House—Place where the President behaved badly, as have many Presidents before him, but the others don't count

Compassionate Conservatism—Same Republicans as always, with no regard for the poor, the oppressed, or the consumer

Decadent—Hollywood and liberals

Degenerate—A gay or bisexual person; sometimes confused with Ellen Degeneres, who is both degenerate and a Hollywood liberal

Evolutionists—People with at least a 6th grade education who were paying attention in school

Extremist—A liberal, as opposed to someone like Tom DeLay or Rush Limbaugh

Europe—An inconsequential place that is worse than Hollywood

Family Values—the agenda of heterosexual white, non-Hispanic, gentile people who are married to each other and who are not on welfare

The Feminists—A group of women and men who believe in social, political and economic equality for women but who are referred to as freaky cultists, as when Chris Matthews says, "The feminists disagree with you."

First Amendment—An obscure document used by liberals to allow people to say anything they want

Government Interference—Any enforcement of the Bill of Rights, environmental law, civil rights, consumer protection or child protection laws

Great Patriot—A man who never questions his government, as in "John Wayne (who was killed by the U.S. Government's secret bomb testing) was a great patriot."

Hard-Working Americans—People who are not homeless or on welfare and who are probably white

Hairdo—An important element in a politician's credibility, especially if the politician is female, and especially if she is Hillary Clinton

Hillary—curse word along the lines of "Barbra Streisand"

Hollywood—A place on the West Coast that tries to combine art and business and sometimes does a fairly good job of it, and which is crawling with Alec Baldwin, Barbra Streisand, and their friends

Hollywood liberal—See above

Intellectual—Someone with an education who is to be feared and ridiculed

Jane Fonda—a very bad curse word, a traitor

Judeo-Christian Heritage—Warm, fuzzy philosophical home base for people who don't care to think but who believe they sound more inclusive if they include the "Judeo" part

Kennedy Liberal—An East Coast liberal. May be Jewish. See "intellectual."

Liberal Agenda—a plot to get people to stop violating the Constitution, raping the land, poisoning the population, and treating other people like garbage

Liberal Media—Favorite myth of the Republican Party

Love It Or Leave It—A bromide that refers to America, and that applies to dissatisfied liberals only

My Kids' Mom—A female parent who models conformity for her children

Or the Terrorists Win—A phrase that follows a command that citizens unquestioningly follow their government, engage in rampant consumerism, board planes where there is no airport security, etc.

Our American (or "Amurikan") Values—A combination of "American Way of Life" and "Judeo-Christian Heritage"

Patriotism—Never questioning those in power

Pledge of Allegiance—An oath of loyalty to liberty and justice that you had better say, and exactly as revised, or else

Pro-Life—A movement for people who are deeply concerned about the fate of fetuses, but who exhibit little concern for children, animals, and oppressed members of society

Protest—An oppositional act of the citizenry that, if done by Republicans, is righteous; if done by Democrats, it is "flaky" or "extremist"

Second Amendment—The most important document in the world

Talk radio—An aggressive form of entertainment for concerned Amurikans

Tree-Hugger—A pejorative term for someone who is concerned about the Earth's natural resources

Supreme Court—Tiny black-cloaked group that interprets law and, if asked, will select the President of the United States

Wal-Mart—The marketplace for straight white boys, their women, and those who are just too busy to think about discrimination, injustice, and corporate greed

Welfare—A government "handout" to lazy, immoral people who are black and Hispanic

West Coat Liberal—Similar to East Coast Liberal, only worse; see "Hollywood liberal"

Working Americans—Similar to "hard-working Americans," only more to the point