Thursday, March 30, 2006

Why are parents reinforcing harmful gender roles?

If you are one of the millions of mothers and fathers whose adolescent daughter believes she is supposed to wait for a boy to ask her out and that the boy is always supposed to pay, why are you continuing to let this go on? Likewise, if you are the parent of a boy who believes it is "wrong" for girls to ask boys out, and that boys should always pay for dates.

And if you are a young (or even not so young) woman or man who believes these things, can you say "feminism"? "Rigid gender roles"? For girls and women to still think they are supposed to wait for boys and men to initiate dates is perfectly ridiculous and socially harmful, yet it is very common. And if you still believe that dating is a form of socially acceptable prostitution, you really need to do some deep thinking. While it is true that men still make more money than women (big surprise), most women can nevertheless afford to either pay for inexpensive dates or split the bill of an inexpensive date.

In discussing her book, Self-Made Man, on television this morning, Norah Vincent said that when she passed as a man, the things men said when there were no women in the room were shockingly dehumanizing toward women. She also said that most of these things were said out of a great sense of insecurity because, in this culture, men are still the ones who have to risk rejection over and over.

Obviously, men have a long way to go in building self-esteem if they have to insult and degrade women in order to feel better about themselves. But it is crazy that they are still expected to be the ones to do the asking. It is hard on men, yes, but it imprisons women, once again reminding us of our second-class status in society.

What bothers me most, though, is that parents are raising their sons and daughters to believe that roles which give power to men and take power away from women are acceptable. Someone please remind me what century we are in.

11 Comments:

Way back in the late 20th century (1986), I asked my best friend to marry me. I figured he wouldn't get around to it. He accepted, to our mutual delight. We're both feminists, or equalists, really. He believes that if women were really equal, men wouldn't have to work so hard. His parents are Red-state conservatives in California and I'm an Army brat whose parents have always been liberal. My dad hated having to go to Vietnam, even as a nurse. Maybe his (then) untraditional male role let me off the hook for traditional female roles. For a while, my mom herded cattle. In junior high, I loved telling people my dad was a nurse and my mom was a cowboy. As for my marriage, we treat each other as we want to be treated and little things like doors? Whoever gets there first or isn't carrying something opens it.

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