Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Starts with an "H"--and it's not "Holy"

In 1994, Stephanie Collopy sought child support from the Portland, Oregon diocese for a child whose father was a Catholic seminarian and who is now a priest. William Levada, who was the archbishop at the time, argued that the church owed Collopy nothing because--wait for it--she shouldn't have had unprotected sex.

For some reason, this gem was overlooked, but last monh, Collopy went to court again to seek additional child support, and the Los Angeles Times reported the results of the original hearing. This time, it seems, people have noticed this hilarious and sickening piece of rhetoric. And now there's a new twist to make it even better: Former Archbishop Levada is now prefect of the Vatican's Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, a post formerly held by Pope Benedict XVI when he was Cardinal Ratzinger. Levada is the guardian of Catholic doctrine throughout the world. One of the major doctrines is that birth control is "intrinsically evil."

I don't know about you, but I'm ready for a doctrinal review:

  • Abortion is a sin and is never acceptable. The death penalty is a sin and is never acceptable. Catholic politicians who support choice should be denied Holy Communion. Catholic politicians who support the death penalty should be protected.
  • Sex with children is a sin and should be punished. When priests have sex with children, they are to be moved around to different venues so that no one catches on.
  • Birth control is evil. Unless, that is, a woman has sex with a priest, and then she had damned well better have remembered to take that pill or to put her diaphragm in.

Catholic doctrine is confusing as hell.


It sure is!! I had 12 years of Catholic School, and it never made a shred of sense to me!

By Blogger Helen Wheels, at 5:42 PM  

you forgot the caveat that must be said after each doctrinal item:

except when done by a priest

(sort of like the stupid game of adding "in bed" after reaching your fortune from a cookie)

By Blogger Ol Cranky, at 5:48 PM  

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